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Blind Date

I went on a blind date, to support my best mate
Who assured me my girl would be awesome,
But the girl he admired it later transpired,
Said she'd only go out in a foursome.

So with oodles of cheek, for best part of a week,
He pleaded and bribed and cajoled
'Til I felt so worn out that I finally said yes,
Though the thought of a date left me cold.

But a man has to do what a man has to do
And I threw myself into the task
And purchased with glee, a packet of three
Though I bought them whilst wearing a mask

Then spent almost an hour after having a shower
Deciding which shirt I should choose,
For my new leather jacket, which had cost me a packet
But it went really well with my shoes.

My ensemble complete from my head to my feet
When I zipped up a new pair of  pants
Then I splashed on 'Old  Spice, which made me smell nice
And walked out of my flat in a trance

With the sun going down, met my pal in the town
Stood there smoking and chuckling and waiting
For the number 8 bus bringing females to us
Those minutes were really frustrating

In the distance we saw it, couldn't really ignore it
The bus pulling in to the stop
So with some apprehension and much nervous tension
My heart did a flip.....then a flop

For two lasses alighted and the first that I sighted
Was smart and sublimely petite,
The second was dressed in a khaki gilet
With Doc Martin boots on her feet

She was a big beefy lass and I know it sounds crass
But big females aren't part of my game
Big lasses are fine, some are good friends of mine
But good friends and romance aren't the same

But the worst of the news was the sight of tatoos,
Which immediately stifled my chuckles,
A big python snake writhing down her left arm
'Love' and 'Hate' tatoo-ed onto her knuckles

And she noticed my plight, smiled through teeth pearly white
As I lit up a fag with my 'zippo',
And she followed my eyes to her big meaty thighs
And an arse that belonged to a hippo.

'Relax man' she said, as she watched me turn red
'I'm here under protest like you'
'And from what I can see you're too skinny for me'
'So let's go hit the pub for a few'

We stared for a while and then shared a smile
Before wandering off to the pub
Me and this lassie with the oversized chassis
For a couple of drinks and some grub

Now, how this tale ends, we ended up friends
Elaine my new buddy and me
And it taught me that I should never pre-judge
You don't always get what you see.
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