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I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner....cause then I'd be in somebody's buns.

"I shall return!" I said to my last wife, last time I saw her in 1989.  McArthur I isn't!

Why are women so much smarter than men?  Probably cause they have brains.

I never realized just how stupid I was until I went to the eye doctor's.  See "A bad 
day at the eye doctor's" poem.

My eye doctor seemed to catch on real quick as to how stupid I was.

I hate to say it, but I think Rodney Dangerfield would make a better president.

Excuse me, but what year is this?

Did you ever wake up and realize the best part of your day was over?

I have a picture of me, when younger, flying in the air,in my karate days, kicking 
butt.  Now I need help just to pick up the picture.

How did I earn the nickname "Skuzz-Bucket"- I don't even own a bucket!

I guess the best thing about getting old is you got less time to suffer.

Wives- I need a chain letter.  Alimony?  Can't squeeze an orange that's already 
orange juice.  Excuse while I take the pits out of my hair.

And to my fans, I say thanks- wish I could afford an air conditioner though.

My "friends" gave me a room aerosol air freshener.  Seems the main ingredient 
was Zyklon-B.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Have a" happy"!  What a crock!

My doctor said he'd pay me not to come anymore.

He wanted me to join the "Euthanasia Club"

I didn't pass the test, however- they said I was brain dead too long.

Even the Girl Scouts mock me- they ask me for cookies!

I once had a girlfriend named "Cookie"  She was cute, but her butt was chaffed 
from bed-hopping.

Ever try to nail a girl while she's hopping on the bed?

Well goodbye my friends- see ya'll real soon...(Genuine White Trailer Trash 
Lingo)!!

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