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Bugger 
17th July 2015

Last night my missus gave me some oysters for tea
Was I in for a night of rip snorting whoopee?
I showered and shaved trying to smell like a stud
Her half dozen oysters must have all of been duds.
Things were desperate so I engaged in foreplay
What old men do when they want a roll in the hay
I groveled I pleaded, even whined like a dog
But for all of my efforts all I got was a snog.
So should she ever give me a little blue pill
I now know it sure won’t be for an evening of thrill.

Her response

So you’re disappointed
That all you got was just a snog
How about make an effort 
Stop smelling like grog
I don’t care for begging,
And sexual wee stirrings
Have a shave and a shower, 
That'll start me concurring.
Now take your hand off my breast, 
Just help me cook the kids tea
Grab the vacuum, do the house, 
That’ll be enough foreplay  for me
Hang out the washing, 
Then feed the pets. 
Do homework with the kids
Please now go make the beds, 
Scrub all the pots, 
Make sure you do the lids
Thank you my dear, 
Your help was just great, 
It's nice just not to nag
What! What do you mean? 
You’re too tired for a shag?



28th September
Silent One's Competition
In response to my first poem

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