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On a cold, dark, winter day at the end of November
I checked into a mental hospital, for what? I can't remember.

I must mention that the people there were crazier than I
So, at first, I could not help but be a little bit shy.

First, I met a depressed woman who was receiving ECT
I shouldn't have been surprised the next day when she couldn't remember me. 

Then, I met a girl who claimed she heard the voice of God
The fact that she was deaf made this claim somewhat odd.

Nurses said a woman was doing the “Haldol Shuffle*” because of her meds
Meds can make you dance? I wondered, that’s not what those ads said.

I met a lady who I heard others saying was a bit impulsive
When she introduced himself eight times I saw she was really obsessive-compulsive,

There was a woman being rude with multiple personalities present
She obviously outnumbered me so off to my room I went.

There I met my neighbour who spoke to a person of her creation
I would've said hi, but thought it rude to interrupt their conversation.

Another girl came into the hospital shortly after I arrived
She was a attacked by a wild animal she thought she saw, but thankfully revived.

After awhile of this I began to wonder why am I even here?
I think I'll leave. I’m not near as crazy, that much is clear.

I spoke with the doctor and he agreed that I was perfectly sane
I didn’t need to be there at all, nothing was wrong with my brain.

Yes, these things might seem strange, but they are definitely true
You can even ask the unicorn next to me who was there too!! (NOT)

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