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Poem

Theres this knawing in my tummy
A burning in my ear
I feel your presence next to me
Yet you are hardly here

I'm not sure when it happened
but now it's crystal clear 
Though your body's in the room
Youre vacant. --Insincere 

I wonder- was it worth it? 
To throw it all away?
All the things you squandered
to keep the pain at bay

All the things you had to pawn
just to get you through your day
Traded growth for comfort
Traded gold for hay

And I don't think you'll ever realize
the person you used to be
Now on a quest with no direction
In drunken ecstasy 

These thoughts so sick and twisted
They make me want to flee
Spinning round in circles
A pirate lost at sea

I wish that you could see it
the way I clearly do
Suddenly I wonder
Who am I talking to?

Look around one last time
There's no one here. It's true. 
And that is when reality
finally does come through

I see it there in front of me
A reflection in a mirror
I know it now for certain
Death is creeping nearer

I poor myself another drink
I hold my poison dearer
Then anything I've ever held 
Reality becomes much clearer

I know I'll never break away
from this cage I built
It's destiny to end it here
There's nothing left but guilt

So I gently shut my eyes
And pray I'll quickly wilt
I look for one last sign of comfort
Grab tight to my quilt

The one my mother gave to me
on her final day on earth
She died too from the bottle
Pitiful, without self worth

I set a lonely fire with a lonely match
I watch it slowly flicker as I lay by the hearth
There was never once a chance for me
Doomed from the day of birth

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