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Oh mum, I lied to you big time
You will never ever understand how it broke my heart
But I was doing it to protect you 
It wasn’t my place to tell news that would devastate our lives
Dad was taken in hospital and you went into care
I visited you every day, took you out for walks and we would talk
You’d ask me about dad, one day you thought he was dead
But because of your dementia that was simply in your head
I kept telling you he was doing fine and we would go and visit him regularly
He greeted us with his massive smile – it is still on his face even now
But we were hiding a secret  – he had cancer and was still having tests
In fact he was hiding it from me how ill he was so we were both deceived
But I kept telling you he was fine – it was what he wanted
Every time I saw you mum I had a sunny smile
But inside my heart was breaking and I was wearing a mask
Then came the body blow for me
His cancer is terminal and he is dying
You never saw the tears I was crying
He came home and you remained in care
So I lied that we couldn’t go to the hospital
I came up with some great excuses I was very creative
In fact on the day he was coming home
I went to get the house ready and take him some shopping
You were there with a friend who had taken you out
I had to tell her to get you out quickly as the ambulance was arriving
I didn’t want you to know he was coming home – it was his wish
He needed time on his own to take in the devastating news
You kept saying to me you thought dad was dying
I had to lie because it was his wish you weren’t to know
Not then – the time wasn’t right
We kept it secret from you for a week when you went home
You both needed to adjust to being back together again
I will never forget the day I arrived and he had told you his news
You were sitting together on the sofa holding hands
Oh mum it broke my heart
You asked me if I knew dad was dying
I had to say I had known for a while
You were angry at me you said I had lied
If things had been different I would have shared
Mum I lied for one reason – because I care

Jan Allison
23rd August
Written with tears in my eyes for
When Doing Wrong Feels So Right Contest
Sponsored By Jared Pickett
(~Awarded 5th Place~ by Poet Destroyer A)
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