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A Modest Proposal

By Elton Camp

A solution to the nursing home problem found
There are two groups who must switch around

To nursing homes the criminals must move
The old folks to prison their lot to improve

Pensioners would get showers twice a week
And have interesting hobbies they can seek

For free all their medical needs will be met
And any necessary medications they’ll get

Constant video monitoring would be in place
To provide instant response just in case

Twice a week their bedding made clean
Clothes washed and ironed will be keen

Three square meals a day they’d enjoy
A library and weight room to employ

There’ll be a secure exercise yard
To get a television won’t be hard

The criminals would get meals cold
And have to do whatever they’re told

One shower a week will be all
And often no attendant to call

If they complain, nobody will care
Or listen to those living in there

Six thousand a month crooks will pay
And have no hope of ever getting away

For this proposal, criticism I may get
Though I can’t benefit from it yet

Of selfish motives I am free
It’s what seems best to me

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