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SHE DRIVES ME UP THE WALL

She drives me up the wall like a slave-driver
O yes, she does ! but even though she may wield 
the rod in her hand ever so threateningly at me 
At the slightest suspicion of insubordination, 
Leaving me cowering with fear, I love her just the same, 
Perhaps much more than I ‘ve ever loved anybody else before! 
I may ‘ve become certifiable as a result, who knows, 
But whatever the case may be, 
pray don’t judge me harshly until you ‘ve heard me out.

I love her for the same farcical reason that Socrates
Ostensibly loved that cantankerous woman Xantippe.
By temperament and upbringing, I find a woman who 
Stands up to a man much more appealing than one 
Who’s obsequious and complaisant!
What happened to me, therefore, was no accident but a 
quantum leap; I had no control what so ever over the turn of events
That got us this far in our fledgling relationship.
Ever since I met her, my life, which had hitherto been
Fairly peaceful and uneventful, has, all of a sudden,
Taken a dramatic turn.

And like a minx, she has so turned my head around
I can’t tell for certain whether I am coming or I am going!
Suffice to say I’ve been acting up silly and rather foolishly
For a grown up person (I don’t know whether or not I still
Have any semblance of an ego left, what with this 
Attractive je ne sais quoi I find so irresistible about her!)
Oh no, don’t tell me I’ve been doing this all for the
Wrong reasons ! or that I am laying it on thick.
It’s only me who knows exactly what I am feeling.
Besides, I am not talking morals here, I am talking
About what it feels like to love somebody to a fault.
If she did walk out on me now I can guarantee you
That would certainly be the death of me!
I am sure that’s not what you would all like 
To see happen to me just yet unless of course
You’ve been spoiling for my death while pretending to be my friends.
When all else is said and done, I’d rather be
Henpecked than let go of this maverick specimen of womankind
Who has lodged herself in my life uninvited,
Making it her home, and has since then never failed
To drive me up the wall like a slave-driver with her rod.
Not only is she good sport, but like a morning
Star she’s such fun to be with, I promise you!


OLIVER MUKEMU
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