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She cocooned herself
Spinning the thread tightly
Around her troubled mind
Knowing out there
Out there were the people
Who watched her unwind
Who could not be kind
Losing ground
Every day
She fought to stay
Sane
Untouched by pain
She cocooned her mind
Her weak troubled mind
With layer after layer of silken threads
Threads of self defense
From a world
Who only loved to see her dance
And smile
And play the fool
For a while
From a world who couldn’t bear
To see the raw pain that was there
Behind the pretty face
And the bewitching eyes
Were the jagged lies
The mirrors into a soul
Incomplete...not whole

Unloved
Unwanted
She was too much trouble
Complicated
An emotional drain
They comforted the physical pain
Yet feared the mental pain 
They could not understand….

"Sh…….keep it a secret"
She told herself as she spun away
"For now….
Play the game
Play everyone’s game
Give them what they want
Whatever it is
Give it to them
Maybe they will learn to love you
Maybe they will see the beauty
Hiding behind the beast
Waiting for release...

No....you know better
They have no eyes to see
So dance....dance....alone
In the quiet of the room
Where there is no one to pry
Or see you cry
Dance alone
Live alone
Breathe alone
Alone
Alone
Hate the world
Hate them all
They deserve it
Damn every single last one
Whoever walked away
Leaving you cradling your throbbing head
Afraid of their own monsters
They keep you at bay
Vulnerability not their game to play
Damn them all
For not loving you enough
For not being tough enough
Weaklings one and all
EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE
Unable to be strong
To carry you along
When you are weak
Unable to think
Unable to speak
Unable to breathe
Unable to muster the courage to live
Unable
And unloved
Finish what you've begun"…..

She spinned the threads tighter… tighter
The cocoon complete
She fell asleep
Her last thoughts
The bitter knowledge
That she would never awake
Transformed
Knowing this would be her tomb
For she was never meant to be
A butterfly…
A beautiful airy creature of the day
Loved by everyone in every way
She closed her eyes
And slipped away
Unloved....

Eileen Manassian Ghali
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