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This Holiday collaboration is brought to you from Carolyn Devonshire and Tony Lane. Carolyn wrote all of the even stanzas and I wrote all of the very odd ones. 

I was driving the interstate while on a get away,
Escaping from a situation even if only for today.
I might not forget everything but I was going to try,
Nothing to distract me until her tail light caught my eye.
 
She was weaving in and out of traffic, looking pretty squirrelly.
Her horn kept blaring as she was jumping lanes erratically.
It was near the holidays; didn't want the white-haired lady to crash.
Gifts were piled high in her car; she had quite a Christmas stash.
 
I signaled for her to pull over to see if I could render aid,
To see if I could help and I hoped she wouldn’t be afraid.
But when I got to her door it was not what I had feared,
The long white hair was attached to some guy with a beard.
 
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" he said, "Merry Christmas to you, officer.
Rudolph has a cold, so many gifts I had to transfer.”
Startled by his greeting, I knew Santa had no license.
“You’re having some problems,” I said, “and snowfall’s getting dense.”
 
“How did you know that I was a cop? I’m on a little break,
I needed to get away a while because I’ve made a big mistake.
But I saw you swerve and I’m not sure you’ll make it back alive,
So how about we load my truck because I’ve got four wheel drive.”
 
“Ah, Tony boy, here’s a gift for you; I knew that you had erred.
Your son wrote me a letter and this is what I heard:
“Please bring my Dad Viagra.  His sperm is moving too slow.
And I want a little brother, but this you surely know.”
 
“Well, Santa, I don’t want to say that your good deed is out of place,
And I’ll still be happy to drive so fast you’ll think you’re in a race.
I can’t accept that gift and I sure don’t mean to burst your bubble,
But that little blue pill you have is exactly what got me into trouble.”
 
That’s when Claus reached into his pocket and winked, saying, “I know.
But this time use it with your wife and just watch her face glow.
And here,” he added, as he tossed red and green balloons at me,
“These are Christmas condoms to use with your barmaid Betty!”
 
Then he grabbed for my keys and this much I know,
He left me standing there in a cold drift of snow.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all and to you, a really, really, really good night!!!”
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