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 It takes a lot to drive one to thoughts of suicide

A lot of pain
A lot of sorrow
A lot of loneliness
A lot of heartbreak
A lot of disappointment
A lot of misunderstanding
A lot of abuse

There on the water’s edge she stood
The midnight moon reflecting off the ocean’s waves
Options being weighed

Drift off into the frigid water beyond the point of no return?
Swallow the pills she took out of her mother’s medicine cabinet?
Open the blood vessels in her arm with his pen knife she stole?

She reflected on the many ways she might go about this
on her long drive to the ocean shore.

She tried not to remember the reasons why she wanted it all to end
on her long drive to the ocean shore.

She thought about the irony of finally visiting a place she longed to see
on her long drive to the ocean shore.

She heard the faint bells tolling the midnight hour from somewhere down the beach and felt compelled to find their origin.

She came upon the empty church which echoed her own emptiness
She came upon the lonely church which mirrored her loneliness
She came upon the dark church which reflected her darkness within

She walked in
She knelt down
She said, “Please forgive me for what I am about to do”

The wind blew open one of the two doors in front of the church with a loud bang
She turned in shock to see the light from the moon shining on the word, “No”

The door swung closed and opened again – “No”
The door swung closed and opened again – “No”

She leapt up from the pew
She ran down the beach
She left the waves behind
She got into her car
She drove home to fix her life

The door swung closed one last time, next to its mate
And the “No Smoking” sign was complete again 


by Joe Flach, written and posted on 9/28/2011 for the "The Church by the Ocean" contest

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