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Duct Tape Will Fix Most Anything

By Elton Camp

It’s one of the most versatile products I’ve seen
Duct tape, whether it’s gray, brown or even green
Any cracked tiles you don’t really need to replace
A bit of sticky tape will hold them right in place

Is your radiator hose getting about ready to burst?
It won’t, as long as you wrap it with duct tape first
And if you’ve got a slit in your car’s vinyl seat
A piece of duct tape will close it up ever so neat

If your throw rugs are always trying to scoot around
Duct tape the bottom to keep them were they’re found
It will hold electric extension cords down to the floor
So that you can walk and not trip over them any more

It’ll also hold electric wires together after a splice
Wider than electrical tape so that it work so nice
If the rearview mirror should try to drop from the car,
Duct tape will keep it from drooping down quite so far

If your brother’s visiting child is noisy as well as cute
It can work quite well to put the odious brat on mute
An envelope it will seal up very secure and tight
In case the taste of glue isn’t exactly your delight

It will easily close up a partial bag of potato chips
In case the bag isn’t one of the type that zips
If the batteries in the TV remote control pop out,
Duct tape will safely hold them in without a doubt

And anytime that your shoe laces happen to break
Just keep your shoes fastened with some duct tape
If the dryer should leave some lint on your clothes,
Don’t need a brush, duct tape works better than those

If your old car has, in spots, completely rusted through
Then some pieces of duct is all you need to make do
If the heel of your sock has grown a lot too thin,
Duct tape will make it just like new once again

If suspicions of your wife’s trust you have felt 
Then it will make an emergency chastity belt
But one thing the manufacturer truly does feel
Is that any leaking duct work it won’t much seal
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