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Demons Beware:  New Exorcists Being Trained

By Elton Camp

Evil demons will soon be on the run
Training of new exorcists has begun
A secret conference held in Baltimore
Prepared more exorcists than before

Rite of exorcism not many could do
The demand is too much for so few
The ceremony itself is easy enough
Knowing when to use it is so tough

First, the priest must know how to tell
If the person’s crazy or a child of hell
If it is a psychiatrist they are needing
Or if a devil on their soul is feeding

Some pedophile priests who boys molest
May claim of demons they’re possessed
“From any guilt or blame I must eschew.
It was a horror that the devil made me do.”

An untrained priest may make a mistake
And the wrong expulsion then undertake
The sight of the cross drives demon away?
Or is it some garlic that won’t let him stay?

Or a silver bullet, is that the weapon I need?
Or is it a stake through the heart to succeed?
It brings the priest a whole lot of scary alarm
Lest he should come to use the wrong charm

What if he drives the wicked demon away,
But it jumps inside the good priest to stay?
Will holy water work to drive the demon out
So that the spirit will cry for mercy and shout?

When enough priests have been trained to meet need
The demons will lose their control with much speed
“The devil made me do it” won’t work well anymore
And people their own decisions will have to deplore

Since recruiting new priests has come to be a chore
Low pay and celibacy aren’t quite enough anymore
Then a priest in black, thru the country roving about
Throwing out devils will appeal to many, no doubt

They will be able to stop the victim’s bed from shaking
Projectile vomiting the priest will no longer be taking
Even now, the evil demons must be quaking in fear
The awful day of their doom is drawing ever so near.
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