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Poem

I stand naked by the mirror
Looking at myself
I look like ummm
Something off a dusty shelf

My ribs stick out
You could play them like a harp
And my eyes bulge out my head
Like a half squeezed Chihuahua pup

My legs they call them lucky
They like two fighting swords
I have the knack of amusing people
With them I even won awards

Now my wife is a total contrast
She’s short, fat and round
It takes me three hours to spread the fake tan
But she still comes out unevenly browned

Just the other day I thought 
She threw the duvet over me
But when I opened one eye
I saw it was a crusty bikini

I love to watch her dressing
It makes me shake at the knees
I feel like grabbing a handful of ripples
And give them a gentle squeeze 

Driving the car is a challenge 
Her ripples stop me changing the gear
And when we walk down the street
We look like a shield with a skinny spear

But to her I’m her half finished pepperoni
To me she’s my fluffy bread bun
We always do things together
I’m telling you, we have so much fun

And now I would like to announce
The arrival of baby number seven
We may seem like the oddest couple
But it’s a match made in heaven.

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