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Poem

The facets of this glimmering rock
all catch the light equally true
yet some absorb it with gravities pull
while others reflect, like a mirror would do

some are dark, and have no glitter
next to others that shine near to perfection
what is this stone that is precious, and litter
is this deliberate? what is the connection?

a gem? or an encrustation, to be disregarded?
a piece to display? a bringer of light?
or a cause for dismay, to be discarded?

"this" is the me, i both loved, and hated
both wrong and right, illuminated
out of all the possabilities
how did i use my abilities?

i could have created
has opportunity waited?
i hid behind familiarities
made no difference at all
and ignored destinies call

a future is a thing we make
opportunities are things that we take
not leave
for that i grieve

all the many futures that could be
spread out from now
leading up and down, and how
do i figure out which i'll see
one like the uplifting branches of a tree?
or wrapped in dirt, like the roots of me?

trees grow up, and so shall i
shorn of ignorance of what i am
no longer occupied with getting high
i now see, and fear to believe, the way
things are now, is the way they'll stay

oh God, won't you take my memory
most are dim, from smoke and drink
yet they make my heart sink
i can not stand the indignity!
i must be free, of what i was before
i would be me, no less, or more

i shall pour it all out, to make room inside
where lust, fear, and pride used to hide
i am filled with longing, for belonging
it's spilling out, like water on the ground
i am restless, my spirit unbound

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