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Poem

Now Santa"s elves are busy 
they"re making lots of toys 
and other pretty things 
for all you girls and boys. 

    But the bloody truth is! 

Their hours are long and hard, 
the heatings on the blink. 
Some bastard stole the plug 
from out the restroom sink. 

The toilet seat is cracked 
it really is a sin. 
The loo roll it is rationed 
and is to bloody thin. 

The Canteen menus awful 
the choices very bland 
and as for healthy eating 
it is the saddest in the land. 

The reindeer are abusive, 
foul tempered and quite bad. 
They all like interbreeding 
no wonder they are mad. 

Santa is no better 
he"s always at the drink. 
Then grins at all the elves 
and gives a wicked wink. 

The elves don"t have a Union, 
they have never known the like. 
So don"t take them for granted 
they never go on strike. 

But they have a sponsor, 
like a cracker has a joke. 
One that"s really big 
a company that makes Coke. 

At breaks they get a can 
and a selection box of sweeties. 
It is no wonder then 
they"ve no teeth and diabetes. 

So when you get your present 
just take a Mo and sit 
and dont take it for granted 
you ungrateful little git! 

For hard work is not easy, 
so don"t you bloody scoff. 
Those elves are nearly eunuchs 
they work their balls right off! 

     and why? 

So you can be so happy 
when it is Christmas day, 
they do it all for nothing 
what more can I say. 

Let"s hear it for the elves 
for all the work this year 
and thank your lucky stars 
YOU dont have pointed ears! 

The elves have left the building. 
Thankyouverymuch.

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