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Scars fade but trauma doesn't 
She wished it was the the other way round
At least then she wouldn't be haunted by the memories
Maybe the cuts wouldn't hurt as much 
Maybe she wouldn't have done it at all

Each tear was another cut
Each cut made her numb
She didn't want people to see her cry she thought Her problem solved

Their hateful words echoed in her head
Each word another cut
She wondered if they knew would it be something they'd regret
Or would they harm her more instead
She felt even more frustrated 

'Aggressive'
One cut

'Angry black girl'
Another cut

'Her hair is so nappy'
The third cut

What was supposed to be three cuts turned to 4
Until she lost count
Until she didn't know anymore 
She was breathless 
But euphoric 
It was the one time she was in control
She felt it was the only way she could express her pain
Even if it caused her shame
But she felt that the blood spilled would make a change
Maybe If they knew they wouldn't call her names
But she was black
They were white
The system was corrupt 
She understood 
That Her skin colour 
Meant nothing would be done
Only that they would silence her voice

She thought for a while 
About what it would be like if she carved a permanent smile
That maybe life would be easier 
And maybe they'd leave her
Alone 
Or Maybe she could try being invisible 
She'd never been suicidal
But the racism had taken a toll
She felt like she was carrying the weight of the world 
But she couldn't anymore
So she cut deeper 
Until most of her blood spilled on the floor
Her last chance to have control
Her last act of freedom

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