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Please look away.
Don't stare down the demons behind my eyes. 
Please don't look at me.
Please don't see me. 

I can't imagine what would happen if we understood.
If we looked behind the mask and saw all the pain we've caused;
What we did to eachother.
Every time you hit me it wasn't the bruises that were the problem. 
They healed. 
I didn't though.
We didn't.

You left scars on our love,
And I called you a monster.
You shouldn't have done what you did,
But I shouldn't have wanted to hurt you with my words.

I feel awful.
For calling you a monster four years ago. 
But I don't know if you feel awful too.
I remember all the things you've said; 
You said you couldn't wait to leave me.
You don't know if you can love me. 
I'm going nowhere and I should have given you kids and a life by now. 
You say I'm stupid. I "never think". I "can't make decisions", or I "don't use my head". 
I looked away.
I didn't want to see how that hurt you,
And I really didn't want to see if it didn't.

If I'd said those things I would recoil in horror -
I would look at what I've said to someone who I told "I love you" to,
And I would be ashamed.
I would hurt for the hurt I had caused.

Yet he brought me to tears. 
He broke my heart when he said those things.
I have cried rivers for him,
While he punched holes through the ceiling and he said I am nothing to him.
When he told me to come to the bedroom only to push me down the stairs.

I don't want to look at this hurt.
But I don't think I can keep looking away.
I cannot avert my eyes when the memories now ring in my head,
I cannot find peace like this.
I cannot keep hurting.
I need to feel loved.
I want to hear someone say my name and not feel afraid,
I want to be with someone who wants me to feel safe.
Not someone who wants me to fear them.

So look away.
Look away from this life.
Look into the future, 
And take the leap.
I will cry the tears and feel the pain,
Because I didn't deserve this.
I was kind. 
I was loyal.
I was 101% behind you,
And you broke me down.
You hit me and berated me.
You isolated me.

I need to look away.
Look away from loving you, 
And look towards something new.
Something that doesn't hurt anymore, 
I need to look away from you.
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