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Brother, I can't do this, the twists and turns of betrayal
I hoped to see you again, as you reached out after 20 years
                                   - I still want to -
I remember our sledding, our rubix cube fun, our playing in the sun
I remember the peacock feather, your stuffed tiger with green eyes
I remember the Malibu you let me use, the court incident later
The first time I saw you cry and.thankful I was alive, then
But, as the truth was spoken later and you changed growing up,
it turned into a spectrum of ongoing sly actions hurting me
You were always standing by the people who did harm
Falling into brainwashing that it was me, the blacksheep,
that disrupted the family and caused all the problems
How? From speaking the truth! Yes, speaking the truth!
I did not harm any of you, in fact I had empathy for all you endured
Then came the betrayal, the loss, the sneaky games for years
The conniving people destroyed our special  relationship 
                             -  Now, how is it to be re-built? -
When there are no apologies, no discussion of these things
Only expectations for me to be fine, as if nothing happened
I am haunted by when I had cancer and you didn't care if I died
When I survived, your reply was, " you just keep on going don't you" ?
That annoyed response you had burned inside me wondering how it can be?
My truth was your worst enemy and I seemed to be so too!
I am sorry the truth hurts so much and I chose to heal
Now, I can't snap my fingers, see you, especially when it's not one on one
And pretend as if none of this happened, the very root of all  the problems!
Yet, here I sit, still missing our good old times, wanting to see you

Heidi Sands

5/8/25

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