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I told my sister; 
"He's kind of... A mess"
After my sixth anniversary dinner. 
My twin sister looked at me blankly and said:
"The whole family knows he's kind of a mess".
Now, I'm not saying I had JUST figured this out or anything;
But sometimes I wish they'd said something.
I know they probably did the right thing, so it's stupid to think like this.
If they told me the man I was engaged to was bad for me, 
They'd probably just push me away. 
But I ended up isolated anyway. 
Couldn't have hurt any more than this, right?
Six years is a long time to think 
"Well my family likes him - my mum said he was sweet. This storm will pass, he'll stop being angry soon".
He didn't really stop. 
He just started pausing slightly more often.
He still always ends up angry.
He still always ends up throwing something, or hitting me, or pushing me down. 
He's more than a mess.
Once I told him he was a monster.
The way he responded both proved it,
and showed me to never say something like that again.
I'm tired of this. 
I'm so f*ckin tired. 
I want to be able to talk to my family about this but I can't tell them.
I'm afraid. 
If they all knew, 
Why didn't anyone ever ask 
"Are you okay?"

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