Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

How do I love you and hate you?
How do I want to run away from you and fall into your arms?
How is it that memories sicken me, and hurt me, and make me feel such joy and love?
Why is it that I never want to feel your touch again but stay awake at night longing for it?
I never want to see or talk to you again.
Each second without you is a stabbing pain of longing.
How were you so kind yet so cruel?
So understanding yet so clueless.
Why are you my worst moments and my best?
Why were you my first everything?
Why did none of my firsts count?
How can I feel so sure yet so conflicted?
Why do I feel like you were the one to leave?
What right do I have to be heartbroken?
What right do you have to be the victim?
Why are you so hard to forget yet so easy to leave behind?
How can I do the right thing yet still feel guilty?
What were these months and these moments?
How could I leave them behind?
How could I do this to someone I love?
How could you?
When was enough enough?
Was it enough or was I weak?
How can the word abuser mean the same as highschool sweetheart?
How do I call something abuse if it is only hypothetical?
Why is everything so grey and convoluted? 
How can I not know or not be sure?
Who were you all this time? Who was I? 
Who are we now?
Where are you now?
It feels like you died.

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