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It was raining when I woke up early this morning and it’s expected to rain all day.  The temperature outside is in the low fifties; cold and gloomy and perfectly in line with how I’m feeling.  Sadness, disappointment and a growing sense of imperfection is gnawing inside reminding me that no matter how much I strive to improve both my writing endeavors and ability to reach out and connect with others, (including strangers and those I love) I keep missing the mark by countless miles.   Despite all the “Self Help” books on how to become more successful, more efficient with one’s time and more in tune with finding and connecting with our “Inner being and best true self,” at the end of the day, only we can ultimately help ourselves.  Or can we? 

Sometimes I find that the only way to overcome my own faults and fears is to simultaneously face them and muddle through them, regardless of the amount of trouble, time and tears.  I just keep telling myself, “Hang on, there’s always next year.”  And so, I, the proverbial and eternal optimist continue to keep doing what I’m doing knowing full well that no matter how much I do, say, or give to others, it’s never enough and never will be because dissatisfaction, restlessness and longing for more desires including people, places, knowledge, ideas, creativity and all other urges that lurk inside will never allow us (or, at least not me) to rest easily and peacefully as I please.  

So, I ask you to please forgive me.  Forgive my lack of attentiveness to your creativity, your love and your needs.  Forgive me for not being there for all your failures, triumphs and near misses towards your higher realms, whatever you may imagine them to be.  Forgive me for not praising and raising you to the level you deserve.  I am only one man.  I’m only one soul on the journey of a lifetime trying to live each moment the very best way I know how while stumbling, bumbling, fumbling humbly along the way.  I can only hope and pray that you, dear reader, may understand these thoughts as I sit here and watch the rain until it stops.  

© Terrell Martin, 02/23/2025
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