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THE DUSTY BOX OF MEMORIES

I was not searching, but just stumbled on it
Across a dusty box of memories in my brain
Not the usual recollection of a pleasant time
But some events that never seemed to rhyme
Ones when remembered, do cause me pain
And never deserving reference in any sonnet

Those were many years spent working away
A family growing up, yet me just like a ghost
My wife bringing up two kids, almost alone
And since then, a feeling that I should atone
Yet for me, progress unworthy of any boast
Just more tension and anxiety, day after day

The memories like coals I rake over in a fire
Regret that burns, of the precious years lost
What hurts me most is the deafening silence
And perhaps the wrong target for defiance
As when memories are tallied, I see the cost
I was in many sectors, almost a gun for hire

There’s a bitter taste now left in my mouth
From the dusty box of memories spilled out
Images, some only imagined and rarely real
Thoughts compete with how it makes me feel
As it resets the dial to endure another bout
No relief is found between North and South

I do need some way to forever lose that box
It’s here, denying access to better memories
But it is that span across grimaces and grins
That sets the scene for all the losses and wins
To avoid my treating those years as enemies
Give me that gentle tide washing over rocks

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