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The snow lay thick; the snow lay flat
Upon my roof, a pitter pat
A reindeer or an alley cat?
Sure ain’t Santa… can’t be that

For midnight came and midnight went
So, clearly Santa wasn’t sent…
Who pitter patters as they go
Upon a roof that’s thick with snow

It seems my Christmas gift this year
Is gonna cost me very dear
The sounds I hear need no debating
Seems my roof needs insulating

With my umbrella overhead
I gazed up in a certain dread
Upon my roof the snow still glistened
But something hit me as I listened

The sound had come from back inside
I glared at my door - open wide 
With trepidation… and a frown
I folded my umbrella down

I viewed the crisp and even snow
And now I wonder, did it know?
For when I turned and stepped inside
Reality took quite a slide.

                       *

The stairs took on an eerie air
I forced my feet to step up there
The pitter pat now loud and clear
Instilled in me an awful fear

I reached the landing unmolested
And sensed a presence; interested
The bedroom door, I always shut
Was there ajar, which clamped my gut

I tentatively pushed the door
And there upon my bedroom floor
A crimson pool refuelled by drops 
Of blood that fell from hatchet chops 

With that first glance I theorised
It looked like something exorcised 
For there embedded in its head
The crucifix that left it dead

Translucent and devoid of hope
It swung from a translucent rope
And yet the blood still pooling there 
Was rich and red and set to scare

I watched the rope begin to fray
But then the ceiling hook gave way
The phantom, landing with no thud
Was swallowed up by its own blood

Ripples as you might expect
In any pool you recollect
Radiate from any splash
Today that notion seemed quite rash

For though the phantom corpse was gone
To comprehend what’s going on
I gazed upon my bloodied floor
But then a ripple… and a claw

I dared not blink, I couldn’t run 
My brain and body were not one
Somehow I knew it meant me harm
The claw now five, became an arm

Hoisting itself from the pool
A demon creature set to rule
Let me tell you, on the level
I simply knew… this was the Devil

But in no God do I believe 
No Devil, thus, could I perceive 
And yet that arm pulled forth a whole 
An entity that craved my soul

And so I stood and watched it rise
Forming still before my eyes 
It’s tail and horns confirmed it’s look
Like something from a comic book

So now I got to laugh out loud
God, me and Devil? Three’s a crowd 
I made my choice and suddenly
Many things were clear to me

It stood there breathing smoke and stuff
And I knew that I’d had enough
I smirked at that demonic fella 
And ran him through with my umbrella 

I know not what came over me
But something gave me eyes to see
So what religion might I borrow
I guess I’ll be in church tomorrow

I’ll tell the priest who’ll glare at me
He calls me ‘Mr Irony’
An atheist who tries to grapple
With living in an ancient chapel
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