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Why am I like this?

I ask myself this question every day. Why does my mind twist scenarios that swirl through my brain like the ballerinas I once idolized? It dwindles my confidence til what? I must remind myself that I am a beautiful smart person, full of potential yet I’m still ostracized and ruined. I must recount the days I feel like fluid on a crashing river bank. At peace with my surroundings, I stay true to my original path. Hoping I last to see the day I am praised for being me. Never faltering I see the end in sight, but wait! That’s just a mirage my mind has created to keep me running in the right direction. I’m stuck always prevented from creating the real me. My mind forces me to rethink that question. As I question my grasp on reality or is it all just another mirage set to trick me? I tick like a bomb about to blow and I’m sick, my self-esteem is feeling low.

Why do I appease others at the risk of my own self-confidence?

I must remember why I started in this convoluted mess. I must address why my stress has been through the roof with the tests my mind is creating. I must guess why I’m straining to find a breath in this jest that is my life. I must ask why my chest feels so tight with this feeling of spite against my own well-being. My fight-or-flight never kicks into gear while my self-worth is getting pummeled to the ground by the sound of my dwindling self-image. I am surrounded by nothing but silence while I might as well be flightless cause of these guises I am covered by.

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