Email Poem

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Poem

How crazy is it 
that our moments are 
only separated by seconds
The world is so vast
And us
Just tiny specs in it
That time deems as it's
Temporary possessions
What more can we expect
From this uncertain vitality
In any given present second
We're gifted
With full intent
Deemed good enough to receive
This life 
This circulating breath
This life and all of its undeniable
Treasures that we get
That
Some invisible majestic being
Bestowed onto us
And yet
As full and loud as the universe gets
I still feel empty
Alone and immensely 
Vulnerable like 
My 11 year old kid did
When dad left
Lonely, and afraid 
But now I can say
I am aware today
Nearly 35 
Kinda angry, sometimes
A little pissed I'm alive
Older than my big sister is
Since she died
So many dealings
Of unhealed feelings 
But the one that is constantly reappearing 
Is the feeling
I don't deserve to live past the hours
That should have been hers
My time wasn't set up for her to die 
And me to keep growing old 
Without her by my side
35
I kinda hate that you are here
Just feels like you are  rubbing it in my face 
That I am now the oldest one from the brood 
Living today
Don't tell me I should be grateful
I have breath and flesh to celebrate 
another earthly year
It's crazy
How huge moments are separated 
By only seconds
To think we are all just 
Tiny dots in this universe
Then we just disappear
Here
Where hours turn to days
And days to years 
I'll grow old 
With just a million moments 
of your memory here
That
You left in a moment
On a day 
Of a year
One I can never delete or clear
7 days short of your 35th year
I didn't look forward to this day 
When I knew it would be here
I actually remember thinking 
Great, 35
That's going to be a tough year.

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