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I'm a pro-cyclist, and I despise people with flab
So it hurts that my folks don't walk, they'd rather take a cab.
I describe my races at the dinner table, but all they do
Is nod politely and say, "pass the stew"!

I took my nephew Chad cycling, such a pain:
As soon as we hit Salton hill, he began to complain
He asked why I couldn't leave him alone before his PC
Playing video games with his friend Tim McGee
He hadn't finished dungeons, a dragon he didn't yet slay,  
How could some dumb trees compete with a world where heroes play?”

I said to my dubious nephew, "you got to get the blood to flow.
"You’ll find in sweat and aching limbs a truth that few will know,
Fresh air and nature beat any pixel combination
Look around you, take a breath, you'll feel a true elation.

We passed decomposing roadkill, Chad grimaced at the stink
But then a dark car passed, I gave the driver a wink
It was Chad's friend's dad, we had made a conspiracy
Chad would have a surprise; we'd meet Tim McGee.

Chad was about to quit but then his cell phone played Maroon Five.
He pulled it out, it was his friend, I hoped this trip could revive
Tim said he was waiting at Dunkin Doughnuts on Salton Hill crest
Chad brightened up, hit the pedals, sailed up the steep road west.

Chad outrode the wind, like a lion on the chase.
I couldn't keep up with him, how could I save face?
I was humiliated, in my mind I was the pro
I guess hard truths in life make a man grow.

We got to Dunkin Doughnuts, with a view way up high
I was wheezing and straining, and I wanted to cry
There was Tim and Chad sharing Cinnamon Sugar Surprise
Chad was just getting started; he wanted a burger and fries.

I had spent years eating arugula and sprouts
Organic fruit, and probiotics, and all those intense workouts
But I was beaten by Chad, who spends life before a screen
I've hung up my bike, life isn't just tough, it's also downright mean.
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