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By Chad Carlson

Today I looked at my life in rewind
Found the good in mostly bad times
Smiled a lot and even laughed a little
Until I got to the part in the middle
So much pain in the decade of my 20's
Left me a shell of myself lost and lonely
Lost my job, my son, my family and house
My car, my mind too for certain no doubt
I turned to drink I turned to drugs
Those things never left me only left me with a buzz
There are literally months that I can't recall
Until the day my friends dragged me out of my car
I had it in my garage with all the doors closed
duct taped to the tailpipe was a green garden hose
The other end was taped into the driver side window
Spewing in the toxic fumes for me to breathe in slow
I became dizzy and drifted off to sleep
It was calm it was tranquil I thought I would finally have some peace
But before I was actually deceased
My friends came and intervened
They were concerned about my well being
And the fact that it had been weeks since I was last seen
They heard the engine in my closed up garage
They kicked in the side door and pulled me from my car
I won't say their names but they know who they are
There's no way that I should be alive
How did they know to come looking on that fateful almost fatal night
Thanks to the 3 of you I owe you my life

*This event happened 3 days before I had to move out of my house. I lost my car 2 days after that*

I started going to nightly NA/AA meetings
Soon I was running them because I believed in their meaning
Now I only use medical cannabis because of my severe pain
I rarely drink anymore because I've learned to refrain
I wish that I never touched the hard drugs
They definitely left their mark
None of it was good
I should've known that from the start

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