Email Poem

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I wish my brother
The best of us in a damaged family
Hadn't died
He was my best friend through the years
He kept me level headed and laughing at life

I wish I hadn't gone fishing that day
And missed my brother calling in
It would have been one more time 
That I had seen him 
Before he left this world

I wish I hadn't hurt
So many innocent people
In my raging youth
I can't go back and apologise
Or fix it

I wish I hadn't let my mouth
Be so loose
Hurting people with careless words
A lot of pointless pain 
Could have been avoided

I wish I had been stronger
For my children 
When they were young
I could have saved a lot of heartache
For them and for me

I wish I had told my son
That I needed him
Wanted him to come with me
Then he wouldn't have believed
The vicious lies

I wish I could be 
The grandma I'd aimed to be
And longed to be
Due to inability to move much
That got lost

I wish I hadn't been so careless
With caring for my body
Through the years
A little bit of caution
And I wouldn't now be crippled

I wish I could 
Have my physical health back
But that is no longer an option
Only a miracle
Can change it all

I wish I could find
My old sense of humour
But it's buried too deep
In the physical
And emotional pain

I wish there was a way
To let my mate know
How much I truly love and appreciate him
But no words or gifts 
Will ever suffice

I wish there was a way
To stop spiralling down
A little more each day
I don't know how to fight it
Anymore

I wish my time to go
Was here and now
My spirit longs to be freed
But the time
is not mine to choose

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