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Santa's stuck inside my chimney this year His tummy's too big and so is his rear I saw him hanging there I'm filled with despair Because on my roof are his eight reindeer Rudolph's shiny red nose is much too bright And it continues to blink through the night It glows in my window While Santa cries, "No, No No!" They're both driving me nuts. It is my plight Three days in and Santa's become smelly No food should've slenderized his belly No hearth fire can I burn You'd think Santa would learn To stay away from the North Pole Deli! Finally, skinny enough to slip through He quickly asked, "Where the heck is your loo?" I pointed to the door His pants dropped to the floor I held my nose from the yucky stench... EWWW I washed his suit until it was soot free He thanked me for my hospitality I had something for him A gift card to a gym What a weird Christmas it had been for me There's one important thing I've left to do Clear my backyard of all the reindeer poo Four days worth of their s - - t Made my yard a cess pit I should've called a hazardous waste crew I sent a letter north to tell Mrs. Claus Why there were dark brown stains in Santa's drawers I thought she should know That when he had to go Stuck in my chimney, chubbiness the cause
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