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Henry (call me Harry) took some cash for a new book
We’ve just obtained a draft and so we’re gonna take a look
It looks like a companion to his current book called ‘Spare’
In which the loathsome hypocrite has mocked his brother’s hair

Chapter one tells all about his alien abduction
It wasn’t the cocaine (for it was family corruption)
It must be said although he’s dead that Philip was a gangster
And Harry says he lost his mind when Daddy ate his hamster

He says for years he called the queen his grandpa, not his gran
Because when he was little Grandma Queenie was a man
And then on one occasion at his girlfriend’s meet n greet
He claims his brother snubbed her when he didn’t kiss her feet

Theres more to see in chapter three ’bout losing his virginity
“She was mature with such allure, we shared a brief affinity”
He met her at the morgue and so he called her Chilly Jilly
They kept her in a freezer… he got frostbite on his willy 

In chapter four he went to war and won it by himself
So he deserves the crown and the entire royal wealth
For all his army buddies sat around and didn’t help
His thousand golden bullets caused the enemy to yelp

So it’s a book of lies and gossip; some you’ve read before
But I just cannot steal myself to read you any more
This follow up to ‘Spare’ it seems is still quite incomplete
As yet it has no title, so let’s call it ‘OBSOLETE’.

                         *

And we've just heard that Meghan’s gonna write her memoirs too
We understand the working title will be ‘Harry Who?’

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