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There’s civic unrest in Neasden
Which has become a mini hell
The vapours from all those camels 
Has caused an awful fruity smell
The citizens are angry and are
Marching off to Westminster hall
Now the novelty has worn off
They’re blooming sick of it all
In spite of the good intentions
Of Lawrence and his crew
You can’t housetrain a camel
And the streets just smell of poo
It’s a simple ultimatum sent 
To Tonee ol Georgie’s Vee Pee
Get them moved blooming sharpish
Or next election we’ll jolly well see
They’ve held a cabinet meeting
Old Two Jags came as well
To listen to those pleas
About their urban hell  
They’ve reached an honourable 
Compromise and Lawrence agreed
He can fulfil his patriotic duty
By going anywhere there is need
So if you are on the channel tunnel
And you think you’ve blown your mind
Because you could swear you’ve just
Seen a camel’s fat brown behind
It’s only Lawrence and his people
On security and safety patrol 
Dedicated and dutiful
To the very soul
When a patriot’s a patriot
No task is too great 
In the cause and the name 
Of the safety of the state
And as Lawrence sometimes mutters
As he enters the tunnel to ride through it
For VeePee Tonee and Her Majesty 
Somebody has got to do it
And back there in little Neasden
Things once more are going well
Thanks to the absence of those camels
And their gradually fading smell
TBC

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