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I used to like barbells, enjoyed pumping iron,
   my Nautilus* gym was one happy environ.
Those posters of 6-packs and marbled biceps
   inspired me to start counting carbs, pounds, and reps.

My trainer would coax, "hold as long as you can!"
   Doing deadlifts I felt like a WAS a dead man
The kettlebell, medicine ball - hated those,
   since dropping 'em both on my poor little toes.

My dad-bod and willpower soon parted ways,
   after only 1 set, I was shell-shocked for days
My back hurt, my knees ached, I'd injured my hips,
   after grimacing nonstop, I'd sprained both my lips.


Oy! The sharp pain that shoots
through my quads, delts and glutes...
Now my game plan is shifting
no more power lifting.
To planks, it's "no thanks", 
I'm expunging all lunging.
I feel stabs in my abs, 
there's a hex on my pecs
and my lats shriek like bats.
When I tweak my oblique
I am sore to the core...
and I want it no more.


The rowing machine is no longer my scene
   I loathe those squats lots and I hate crunches bunches.
Do sit-ups or push-ups? Do jump-ups or chin-ups?
   I'm more inclined now to do lots of "I-give-ups".

My doc tried convincing me I'd be less tired?
   I'm questioning how that poor man's brain is wired!
I felt half exhausted just WATCHING staff clean
   the ellipticals, treadmills, and stair-climb machine.

Then... I found when I stood on the locker room scale 
   That my plan to lose weight was a sad epic fail!
I'm done! I have finished my very last burpee -
   I just want a hot dog and super-size Slurpee.
What happened to wanting to feel fit and well?
   When it came to workouts, I was just a dumbbell.

I've resolved now to walk more, or swim a few laps 
   maybe jog, ride my bike, play some tennis, take naps.
That's right, getting plenty of rest seems so plain,  
   it appears the most challenging muscle to train ...
   is the brain.

* Nautilus is a brand of gym equipment 

written 2 Oct 2022
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