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Poem

I woke up today and told myself I no longer wanted to live
But it was not because I truly wanted this
It was because my mind was sick and believed all of the tricks
Like no one really cares about me that's not really true
It's just that no one has told me in awhile 
So, next time you are drowning in work and stress instead of pushing away your peers take a break to check on them this might prevent future tears
My mind tells me I'm lonely even on my birthday when I get the most attention
Because my depression goes away only to come right back like trick candles
I didn't ask for this and I don't enjoy feeling sad in the middle of the day on my day off 
Knowing that because I woke up today, I've been blessed beyond belief
At least that is what everyone says
I just don't always believe it and it's all I really want
To know my life has a purpose important to others just as much as you are important to me 
My friends say they will be there for me, but no one seems to notice that I am slowly slipping away crying for help through every fake smile
And there are a couple people I don't want to let down
A couple people I made promises to
And one of these is me
After people let you down over and over and then you let yourself adapt to that pattern what is left
Hope 
Well to me hope is a wall I was climbing only to fall hard enough to seriously injured but not die
I woke up today wondering if I should finish the job because there is nothing left to breathe
People think they know me but, they only know what I want them to know
I know being closed off isn't healthy but when you keep hearing no it becomes, you're only truth
A truth covered in a lie
p.s. so I must say goodbye to my past self, in order to be present, and get to my future...

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