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Poem

Ode to breathe 

With every word, 
every decision and every cry,
comes a breath. 
Unnoticed. 
Barely noticed. 

A dry desert throat, lined with thorns,
forcing each wheezing breath to keep its host alive. 
And then suddenly,
a tsunami of emotions; 
red fear, 
orange excitement, 
all distract the inevitable inhale and exhale. 

Cold oxygen, 
brain freeze to my heart. 
Pulsing in my throat. 
No heart left, 
only throat. 
Only a throat that won’t breathe. 
A breath that refuses to dip down to the stomach,
instead, it floats.
Blocked by a swollen tongue. 
Each loss of breath sends me deeper into an abyss of angst,
a place where a single breath is a privilege.

Now burning hot oxygen. 
A hiccuping inhale that comes in desperate waves, 
accompanied by the distinct taste of bitter-sweet tears and the feeling 
of sadness, regret,
forgiveness. 

Now deep down to the bottom of my stomach.
In and out, filling like a balloon, 
yellow and warm.
Soothing, a pile of embers way down, 
filling my intestines. 
Calmly marching forward
Humming with the metronome's beat.  
Rhythmic, in and out. 
In and out. 
coaxed forwards by the smell of freshly washed pillowcases 
and the aroma of night blooming jasmine. 
Slower, 
in and out. 
Now each breath is intentional,
and each breath brings me closer to another reality. 

In and out without a thought, 
an action of habit. 
it's simple, it’s terrifying, it's complex. 
It's necessary 
One sigh to let it all go;
The desert, the storm, the slumber,
reduced to an invisible scroll of carbon dioxide. 

One sigh out, it's all gone. 
One sigh in, my lungs are full of new air. 
Air which hasn't been contaminated by thoughts
or fears
Air that is crisp. 
Air that doesn't judge, doesn't take sides. 
Air that is just air.

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