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My name is Columbus and this part is true
I sailed with pirates and did what they do
I took from the snooty and gave to myself
But only the booty they save on a shelf

I kissed a young lady who killed for a lark
And gave up my job for a date with a shark
I fled for my life on the back of a whale
And led my own crew with a black pirate sail

I nearly was killed by the same lady twice
Who finished the game with a bucket of ice
I married a maiden who said I’m a fool
And carried the day with a ship for a school

I sought all the children who thought I was bad
And taught them to win by the talents they had
I rented the crew of an old pirate ship
And carried my class on their ultimate trip

I followed my wish to be one with the sea
And swallowed my dish in a moment of glee
I fumbled my test to be first in my class
And rumbled my best to be cursed by a lass

I brought my own crew to the brink of a dream
To lose what I had for the sake of a scheme
I fought for the cause that was lost from the start
And won by the clout of a man with a heart

The lady I married is perfect for me
She captured my love in a house by the sea
She mannered my day in the way that I dress
And taught me to play in a game of success

We won and we lost in the spirit of fun
We gave and we got for the good that we won
In perilous times when our fate was at stake
We started with punch and we finished with cake 

I sailed with cutthroats for many a trip
The captain was crazy but easy to flip
I learned about pirates by doing my job
And learning to fight by the rules of a mob

I had a great time with the cast of our crew
And learned a few tricks in a scuffle or two
I thought I was set for the rest of my life
Except for the bet of a beautiful wife

Then something big happened which I can confirm
We gathered our stuff for a new pirate term
We left our own homes for the crew to report
Then somebody’s lady appeared at the port

The lady, it seems, was not there for a date
In fact, she arrived, as the captain’s first mate
His daughter was dressed for a bout with success
And that is the way I got into this mess. . .
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