Email Poem

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Poem
people always say to me
you clearly want to better me 
succeeding whilst I fell away 
conforming to normality 

I don't meet or speak to people 
face to face invisible 
but hey, nobody knew anyway 
one day there then never again 

a mystery from the first day 
I'm silent dealing with my fate 
disbelieving our lost loyalty 
down and out from living enjoyably 

never turned and asked for help 
from people I had helped myself 
confident with an empty corner 
individually fighting slaughter 

unprepared as I stared 
at abuse ever flaring 
fighting alone and mocked when sharing 
desperate for help with no one caring 

my stories refused 
and the truth was removed 
for theories replacing 
a suffering truth 

a battle I'm losing 
a war I can't win 
and everyone's laughing 
"don't listen to Trim" 

suffering breakdowns 
whilst labelled a fake clown 
rumours are flying 
I plummet straight down 

had a world with a job 
and a social scene healthy 
to watching it robbed 
screaming "somebody help me" 

not ignored but refused 
made a joke til it killed me 
when changing my mood 
an aggression had filled me 

they'd ask me what's wrong
I'd say I don't know 
overwhelmed in isolation 
being overthrown 

hostility I was facing 
and a belief I was faking 
my world devastated 
and my image mistaken 

treated as needy the first time I needed 
branded a liar when I say what defeated 
the help I reached for would lie and repeat it 
the truth was unknown, I completely retreated 

nobody knew and I had nobody too 
I spoke as I sunk but my words were refused 
removing the truth the theories come true 
and now they judge me on rumours which grew 

I turned to my friends then became a recluse 
removing them all piecing what I'd been through 
they didn't just fail me as they all stood amused 
they made people think I'm some desperate dude 

and everyone says they want to be better than you 
so it's coming across when they speak as they do 
with selfless help offerings and hope I improve 
don't they look good trying to help a delude 

but their short and their bald and addicted to weed 
as I still have my hair addiction free 
soberly writing as no one sees me 
so very different to how i'm believed 

with no one to help me process the grief 
I can't sing can't rap I can't write poetry 
I'm not seen face to face where eyes can judge me 
instead believed how traitors want me to be

Now I'm seen as mad angrily speaking the truth 
I don't care what you think cus you don't seek the proof
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