Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

Do not confuse 
my compliance 
with agreement.
My quiet is not 
for your appeasement.
I’m trying to survive,
while knowing 
my suffering 
makes you feel alive.
I’ll never understand,
how pushing me down,
causes you to thrive.

Is there 
a special taste
in my fear?
A satiation 
of your thirst 
that is quenched 
by a tear?
How do you 
see yourself 
when you 
look in a mirror?
Would you 
cease to exist
if I wasn’t here?

I am
sucked up
by your need.
Your “Love me
love me” creed!
Your soul hole
is to big to feed.
You’re a human parasite,
or a deep rooted weed.
 How much more,
will you cause me to bleed?

I am child
You hold 
all the power.
An imposing figure
like a clock tower.
I am held 
in your tick talk grip,
hour after hour.
As I grow quieter,
you become
louder and louder.

Now I make
my great escape.
My own new world
a different landscape.
The old me 
hung out to dry,
like a freshly
cleaned sheet draped
I  become,
my own Super Hero,
with a brand new cape.

Without you,
my strength grew.
I did not allow you,
to determine who
I should be,
or what I am supposed to do.
That part of my life
is finally through.

All the lies you 
forced fed me,
none of them were real.
I didn’t know then
how I should feel.
You somehow 
convinced me
you were a big deal.
Now you hold no sway
and little appeal.
I got off of
your mind controlled
hamster wheel!
My life’s now my own,
I stopped the steal.

I am reading Edith Egler’s book “The Gift”
It caused me to contemplate abuse at the
hands of my father. I wrote another piece 
titled Eddy in which I tried to understand what 
shaped who he became. I am not angry with 
him anymore. He passed away over 20 years
ago. I must admit it was an important part of
my family healing.

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