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Hello, there. Rise and shine. I think I’ll call you Adam/
Who are you? Your creator. The maker of all you fathom/
You can call me God. This place is the Garden of Eden/
Why’d you make me? Boredom but that’s part of the reason/
The other part is I needed someone to use this Earth/
Can’t have just animals. It makes the project lose its worth/
So you can do anything? Yes. That’s a huge ass gift/
Can you make a rock so heavy that even you can’t lift?/
Damn, kid you clowning me? I’ll smite your butt to Venus/
Hey God what’s this funny thing? Oh, that’s just your /
What’s it for? Basically, you have it around for pissing/
Yes, Adam, I see it. Can you just put it down and listen/
I’ve..Adam, listen…this garden’s full so food won’t diminish/
Adam! Stop playing with your dick for two ing minutes/
And let me talk to you! Defying me will only make it worse/
What the hell’s that? I don’t know. You’ve got to name it first/
One of the many perks. Your main job will be the name giver/
Name that one. Coke whore! Should’ve made your brain bigger/
Now enjoy. I’ve given you free will so I’ll value your opinions/
All the animals are yours to command. Now rule your dominion/
The only thing forbidden is eating from the Tree of Knowledge/
If you go there, all the gifts I’ve bestowed will be abolished/

Years passed and Adam performed his naming job carefully/
Tending to his animals and plants and praising God faithfully/
Playfully ran through the Garden but at night cried in confidence/
He was very lonely because he couldn’t find his compliment/
Other animals had one. Watching them breed became habitual/
He was fascinated and yet envious of their mating rituals/
He was staying spiritual but wondered if God had hate for him/
Sensing his pain, God took a rib and created a mate for him/
He named her Eve. It’s cool but you gotta fix what’s missing first/
So God had to explain to Adam and Eve how their equipment works/
‘Ooooooh’ they both said and were soon eager to test it out/
Caught up in rapture, marveling at bodily fluids that jetted out/
Life was better now. Nothing can stop these lovers’ party/
Spending days laughing then at night exploring each others body/

Then one fateful day, Eve passed by a tree with a serpent/
This is the Tree of Knowledge. Want to live free with a purpose?/
God gives you free will yet still bosses you. That’s wrong of him/
He’s just scared cause if you eat this, you’ll be as strong as him/
I don’t know. God specifically said not to. I wouldn’t dare/
If God didn’t want you to eat it why would he put it there?/
You shouldn’t care what he thinks. He’s just trying to frighten you/
Take a bite of this , girl and let the truth enlighten you/
So Eve took a bite, and the doors of perception had been opened/
Foolishly, she thought the chains of God’s deception had been broken/
Saw she was naked and made a dress from leaves and some twine/
She went back to Adam and gave him a piece of her mind/

Alright, first off, since you stupid, I’m making this  simple/
And put your little dick away... can’t even fit thimbles/
I need a man. Think I’m living with a poor slob? Forget it/
Tomorrow, I’m inventing money and it’ll be your job to get it/
And I’m making you clothes. Right now you make me look bad/
By the way, this dress I made, does it make me look fat?/
Answer me damn it! It’s this lack of talking that’s got me reeling/
You should read my mind and know exactly how I’m feeling/
And shouldn’t we have a house? This garden air is stifling/
And naming animals ain’t a job. God, I swear your trifling/
I try but it seems like sometimes you don’t even care, son/
Your no income ass. Can’t even get my nails and hair done/
And you suck in bed. One minute, boom, then you slumber/
Why do you think I have to fill the room with them cucumbers?/
You can’t remember anniversaries but you know the species?/
And no it’s not romantic when you fart and show your feces/
You’re disgusting. If you love me, you’ll do whatever I say/
I’m the boss now. Thing’s will be run forever my way!/

Adam ran to God. Yo, Eve’s gone insane! It’s the truth/
Nope, she went to the forbidden tree and bit the fruit/
I told you never to go there and now it’s time for punishment/
Immortality gone. You’re on you own in finding nourishment/
And animals will attack you. No longer will the smile work/
And you’ll conceive during sex. I’m throwing in painful childbirth/
But I didn’t .... I’ve got no tolerance for underhanded minions/
What’s my punishment? An eternity of not understanding women….
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