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Who was this white haired Claus 
With rabbit teeth? 
Carrying a ton of peanuts 
For all to eat.

Dragged in a sleigh pulled 
By Agnew and Nixon, 
Who ran right beside 
Donnar and Blitzen? 

He circled Camp David, 
A fast fly by; 
With lox and bagels for 
the Jewish guys. 

A carpenters’ pencil 
Was poised by his ear, 
And boxes of nails dangled, 
From the gear in the rear. 

Why! Its Jolly Ole Carter Claus 
Draped in menorahs. 
Handing out home plans to 
the Arab before us. 

Visions of world peace 
Danced in his head; 
As, he flew straight to Afghanistan
‘Fore noggin hit bed. 

When down from the sky 
In the form of deer dung, 
Fell fruit tree seeds 
Too be sown in the sun. 

And, as CarterClaus’ whip cracked 
O’er Nixon's ear, 
As Agnew blanched, 
His eyes filling with tears. 

Droplets hit sand with 
A plop and a splatter 
’Pon the fruit tree seeds with 
Nary a clatter. 

The desert grew green; 
Trees sprouted and grew; 
Hearts filled with wonder, 
Bellies with stew. 

Homes were rebuilt, 
as before the fall, 
Cook fires were lit. 
Children grew tall. 

And Ole Carter Claus 
Flew home in a daze. 
Passing out sandwiches 
That Roslyn had made.

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