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A dying woman's suicide note. 

While writing,
I am trying to find a reason to live.
Amidst this chaos of heartbreaks, 
A coward have I become!

I have forgotten how sweet 
The bell of hope rings; 
When the finger of God has already
Inscribed 'DOOM' on the walls of my life.

That garden of life which used to blossom;
The roses changed to thorns and 
The stars we used to gaze at, sky high;
Have turned into stones.

Maybe I became insensitive to pain, 
I do not remember how it feels to bleed; 
But I can feel life bleeding out of me, 
This blood—the only sign that I lived! 

I lived dining on antidepressants because 
My pain could not possibly be remedied
By the contents found in a first aid kit. 
I loved! 

I loved you more than life
Because you were a mother's prayer
For a father's protection being answered; 
I dreamt! 

I dreamt you would be my reason:
My reason to live on
In the face of tragedy; 
I believed! 

I believed pain would come and go,
Like the night turns into day—seasons. 
If only I lasted longer; 
But so would the pain—IF!... 

I became a piece of TNT lit on both ends, 
And blowing up was eventual.
I can feel that flame of life dying 
And the gates of hell calling! 

Calling. Calling. Calling. 
The grim reaper knocks at my door, 
Ready to collect my soul—
I called him. 

Knock. Knock. Knock. 
My savior, my salvation?!
The world would be better without me, 
What of you my child? 

Remember. Remember. Remember. 
I gave you life, 
And for you I will lose mine
But not because of you. 

Live on? 
I would say, 
But I still want to be a good mother. Yes! 
Even in death! 

My baby, my joy. 
For you I will live
But the blood on this paper 
Tells me my hour has come. 

Happy to be going, 
But sad to be leaving you behind am I. 
Darkness is blackening my sky, 
A deep sleep imminent—death! 

I can already see a vision of me. 
I am looking down from a place above
For my sorrows are compensated; 
Death loves the troubled!

Death whispers in my ear, 
His words sound like a soft crescendo 
Of a comforting lullaby.
His song is my farewell... 

Written in blood, 
Every letter red.
At the very least, 
I died smiling!...
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