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A Scot had once been quite handsomely built

Now with corona did not fit his kilt 

Ate all he could find

With more on his mind

Became rotund and his manhood did wilt


Isolation made the fridge his best mate

Yet now he wanted an illicit date

Could not find his willy 

Rubbed on some chilly

No growth so he needed to loose some weight


But cakes and pastry were hard to resist

When he tried his knickers got in a twist

Spermatic retention

Or penile extension

For not to miss out on an overdue tryst


The doctor himself was a well endowed man

‘I must help this limp fellow if I can’

Grafted a bone-r

For the new owner

To cool it implanted a vacuum fan


Balls on fire complete with bagpipe and trumpet

He seeks out his most delicate strumpet

But before he can dip it in with pleasure

She takes from her bra a hooker’s tape measure

‘Size does measure but this I won’t lump it’


The surgeon was not a continental medic

Had stuck to feet and inches for the prosthetic

A small mis-understanding

Results fully pending

Outcome detachment on a scale rather epic


The patient was of course not very amused

And not just his Ego was blatantly bruised

A centaur with no application

‘Now I need an ablation’

But the healer threw a wobbly and refused


If I incise once more I have to cut at the root

Give you a mammoplasty you’d look rather cute

Without bothersome erection

No impotency detection

This is a soft solution you cannot refute


At least now flaccidity will focus your hunger

Voluptuous and curvy you’ll look like a stunner

Indulge in cream tart

And if you fart

There’s no one around to make a scared runner


29th April 2020

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