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Who am I? I am not Fred Flintstone, nor am I Billy Goat Gruff,
And I am not Will Shakespeare, nor a Scotsman named MacDuff;
I am not Tom, I am not Dick, and surely am not Harry;
Not Goldilocks, not Tiny Tim, nor Mary Quite Contrary;
I am not a famous movie star, Bo Peep, or the Tooth Fairy,
And I most certainly am not Frankenstein…you’d find that way too scary.


What am I? I am not a mouse,
Nor a waffle iron, nor a ring-necked grouse;
I am not a little teapot, short and stout;
This is not my handle, and this is not my spout;
I am not a praying mantis, and not a Brussels sprout.
And I clearly am not a billiard ball, that’s just not what I’m about.

Where am I? I am not in Coney Island, in Denmark, or in France,
Nor am I in (I’m glad to say) some weird hypnotic trance;
I am not alone in the jungle, with nothing to eat but roots;
Nor am I weightless on the moon, wearing ridiculous astronaut boots;
I am not in a line at the airport, not Chicago’s or Beirut’s.
I think I’ll stay right where I am ‘til I gets up and scoots.

When am I?  I am not in prehistoric times, with a T-rex for a pet,
Or in the way distant future (at least I’m not there yet);
I am not with Mister Gutenberg, who invented the printing press,
Nor am I with Orville and Wilbur, whose airplane flew, more or less.
There are lots of times in history when I might have been born, I guess -
But I’m glad not Pompey when Vesuvius blew. Boy, was that ever a mess.

Why am I? The reason I am upon this earth is a thing I have yet to find,
I may spend my days playing baseball, or maybe I’ll help mankind;
Perhaps I’ll find the cure for some terrible disease,
And once that’s done, I’ll buy a yacht and sail the seven seas.
I’ll make new friends and spread good cheer and maybe learn Chinese.
One thing for sure, as life goes on, there’ll be lots and lots of me’s.
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