Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

Poems I wrote saying what changed me
some sort of unseen sabotage come at me hard 
shattered parts 
undone 
wiped clean 
pushed back to start 
raped me left me 
imprisoned cagey 
question marks hang over strangely 
shocked by betrayal 
locked in to hell
can’t say what happened 
left for dead flattened
each person let me down
Confidence and will drowned 
bullied isolated 
hurting violated 
mates family work frustrated
forced to take up arms and brawl
no one to talk to or share my thoughts
work was war 
mates onslaught 
family tore 
no rest just duel
stood in the lobby looking at the door realising I had no one at all, 
literally, sickened me, 
a feeling inside had died 
I’d never asked for help before 
and never had I needed it more, 
unbelievable circumstances 
what’s the chances 
everyone I’d ever known 
not prepared to help 
and had let it be known, 
he'll snap out of it if you leave him alone,
no one liked me no one cared 
conflicts everywhere I stared, 
and everyone was bossing me 
talking down from on top of me, 
thinking I’m stupid they bullied gave orders 
I must carry out with threats hurled,
assuming my mood was put on, 
aware I look weak but didn't believe 
separately at the same time they pushed on, 
snap out of it joke humiliation, 
the person i had been was gone, 
submissive still they carried on 
beat a man when he’s down with no protection, 
repeatedly, hounds, 
remember days I didn’t speak, 
“he’s in a bad mood” sarcastically, 
just nod acknowledge stand and breathe 
it’s all an act they’d say to me 
too late by the time they’d see change in me 
never again see me
a decade on I’m finally rearranging me
it took a lot of people to leave me defeated

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