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Everyone Surrounds

1998
They gathered around the cake like hogs
at a watering hole. It sat in front of The You

that had been dyeing grey. But today you 
painted over yourself in yellows that burst

from the chest. The candles glow against 
your shadow, and you used to count the candles 

like a chalked tally for every year 
that brought you closer and closer

to the something you’ve been waiting for. 
But everything has been slowing down. 

2000
You used to blow out the candles
and imagine a part of you got lost
in the smoke that curled 
and hung above their heads. 

But now you inhale— 
to take your last breath
of your former self
and blow it all away. 

“Happy Birthday!” 
“Things will get better!” they say. 

2004
You remembered the sound of your voice
that hammered against the walls of a tin can

when you were young. Now it’s sealed
and stored on a shelf in a grocery store. 

Next year, it’ll be priced at $3.99 
So you get your can opener, pierce the can, 

press it to your lips and swallow the preserved 
chunks of You that you’ve been trying to get back.

And they shout, “Chug! Chug! Chug!” 
While you wish for a blackout

that will bring you back to last year. 

2010
You’re twenty eight 
now, 
and next you’ll be thirty. 
Everyone surrounds, 
arms around
your shoulders 
with smiles 
and teeth
and breath
in your ears. 
You got lost
again 
in memories 
of tourniquet
rainbow swirls 
of wax 

2012
When did it become seventeen candles 
too many 
Now we just use those big numerical
ones
Lazy. A jumbo three paired with a jumbo
zero
Two candles pretending to be 
thirty

2015
You began to slide down the bell curve 
of life at seventeen 
but you lied to yourself at twenty one, 
believing you were 
on the come up. 

But remember 
to smile, because they’re all watching you now, 
                          be happy, 
they’re here for you, 
                          be happy, 
you were born
                          some odd years ago,

and now it’s time to count the candles. 
Blow them out and escape through 
the smoke
that rises 
through 
the dark
tea room

2019
They’re burning higher now, 
It’s getting louder
now. 
Everyone 
surrounds, 
everyone.
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