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Poem
Darkness
Everywhere I looked
I searched long and hard
But the light I couldn’t find
I tried
I tried
But there was no escape
From the abyss of self-hate

Crumbled on the cold hard floor
I reached out
For softness and warmth
But was greeted with none
I lay awake in bed
A world worse than nightmare land
Where dreaming was an escape
A life more painful than hell itself

The bottle of pills on my bed side looks tempting
My tongue craves its taste 
The bottle of bleach on the floor
Looks like the only liquid that can quench my thirst
The blade’s luster makes my eyes glitter
As it’s touch my wrist craves
Red hot blood oozes out comforting me from the dark coldness around
I tried
I tried
Long and hard
I tried
I tried
But the temptation of self-harm
I couldn’t fight

I finally see light
Sunlight penetrating my room through the window
Beckoning me close
And now I stand
On the window sill
Staring at the grave below
But just as I am about to take flight
A soft voice in my head whispers “stay”

Stay!?
For what?
For whom?
Why should I stay
In a world ungrateful for all my good deeds
A world where my sexuality is a joke
A world where my gender and color make me inferior
A world in which I am but a spec
Who cares if I stay?
Clearly no one
For there is no one by my side
Right now as I prepare to die
No one holding my hand
No one offering their shoulder for me to cry
No one comforting me
No one to tell me its going to be fine
I was there for them when they had the pettiest issues
Or needed small favors
I did it all with a smile
Where are they now
When my life hangs by a string
Ready to snap any minute

‘You see’ I say to the voice in my head
Let me go. No one cares if I stay
‘But you matter’ the voice responds
‘You are in this world for a purpose
Which you must fulfill
Even if you are on your own’

I sway
My knees can’t bear the weight
Of all that’s in my head
My eyes can’t see anymore, my hands shake
My sense giving up with my heart

‘Stay’ the voice says ‘Please’
‘I cant’ I say as my feet part with the sill
I tried
I tried
I say
As my body reached the grave
I tried hard
I tried long
But I am sorry
I wasn’t brave enough to fight my way out of the darkness
Or stay
I tried
I tried
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