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FOREWORD: I have no idea if this actually works... I’ll let you decide

TWELTH KNIGHT

If you truly love me you shall do as I ask
To demonstrate your ardour, I set for you this task
I shall not make it easy to prove your love to me
So this, Sir, is my challenge, go do it gallantly

Fetch for me a ton or two of what I like for tea
Nine trucks full of dripping will serve me perfectly
And payback for those people who used to pick on me
A dozen blokes to thrash them is satisfactory

You know those metal baths, that folk would once scrub up in
Fetch for me five small ones to do my washing up in
And when the washing up is done who’s gonna wipe the plates
It might seem rather silly but for that... eleven snakes

Vegetables should not be damp so here’s what my next wish is
Bring for me exactly four Perforated dishes
Some shaven men to trim my lawn, be sure that seven come
And two mittens the colour of the deepest darkest plum

An ancient drink called koumiss, that comes from way back when
Had honey and some milk in, so bring me eight of them
A few young men to fix my socks, better make it ten
And then bring me from Normandy three fellows, all called Den

Find some men to exercise my reindeer with their sleigh
If you accept my challenge, bring six of them my way
And finally a big old fridge you’ll have to find for me
But only if the offer is buy one and get two free.



Well It took less than a fortnight to get the challenge done
Just twelve days to finish off the task he had begun
And while he wouldn’t often read his lovers diary
She had left it open, so he’d see what he would see

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me...

Twelve drubbers drubbing
Eleven vipers wiping
Ten laddies darning
Nine loads of dripping
Eight meads with milk in
Seven shorn and strimming
Six geysers sleighing
Five old tin sinks
Four colanders
Three french Dens
Two purple gloves
And a large fridge and a pair free
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