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Joan Of Ark


Noah was a geyser, a bible kind of guy
Wouldn’t take no messing from a vicious gospel sky
He’d got the nod from Mr God to build a massive boat
And save the beasts and birdies by keeping some afloat

He gathered wood and sawed it and he banged in lots of nails
He prayed and crossed his fingers, ‘I hope the damned thing sails’
And then there came some drops of rain but thankfully he’d made it
The boat at last was built, it was time to populate it

His list began with aardvark and he got as far as mole
When his paper wasn’t long enough he used a toilet roll
He knew that space was tight so he stacked them up in twos
And then he panicked when he found he had no kangaroos

When his mum in law got on, the boat tipped one up one end
That really got his goat up cos she drove him round the bend
So, referring to his ruling that said only two of each
He hooked her on a crane and he dumped her on the beach

But his wife looked like her mother and she ate more like a Gannett
Not a great incentive to re-populate the planet
But he’d made room for someone who would often make him groan
She’s how he got his jollies so he called her Jolly Joan

When he’s alone with Jolly Joan she never will refuse
But this time Noah noticed that she seemed to have the blues
She said I love you Noah, but like animals and shoes
I rather hoped that EVERYTHING around here came in twos

Noah shrugged, ‘I’m sorry but I’m six hundred years old
This place smells like a barnyard and I’m freezing bloody cold’
She said, ‘I’ll have to warm you up to raise your ardour higher’
And then she pulled him closer, ‘Come on baby, light my fire’

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