Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

I watched you set fire to everything I had left-
the already charred remnants you had been 
trying to leave behind since you discovered
the charity of forgetting. 
“You can leave anything in the past, if you can hate 
yourself enough to burn from the inside out. 
You can become clean. New.” 
I’ve been trying to rise from the ashes for as
long as I can remember. But, I’m rootless under 
the glowing pyre that I can still see reflected 
back at me every time I look in the mirror. 
Your honey brown eyes pouring venomous 
tears onto my cheeks as you tell me that you 
love me. 
But...
You just can’t take it anymore.
Cinders burn my shoulders as I try to heave 
what should have become rotten, 
so long ago into my stubborn and conflicted 
chasm of what I’m naive enough to label “Hope”. 
I know you’re never coming back. 
To be honest. I don’t want you to. 
I just want that feeling again. 
That velvet, unconditional warmth.
So unlike this searing heat that 
you ignited when you tore away the only 
thing that made me feel- real. 

As the smoke begins to gather in my temple,
I can smell the cost of hating love. 
And the inevitability of becoming a shadow 
behind a crumbling haven that I thought 
I would always call, home. 
And so I let go of the embrace. 
The fear of being buried by goodbye. 
It will always burn.
The immense weight of memory.
The inability to forget. 
And the relentless need to use 
our passion as an accelerant for 
my own purpose. 
-James Kelley 2018

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