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Grapes explode when put in the microwave
Judge Judy makes $45 million a year
Now if that doesn't thrill you or rot your socks
There ain't much that can tickle your rear

Some people feel the same arousal thinking of food
As they do having rip-roaring sex
They must be some of the fattest people in the world
Or they wind up total absolute wrecks

Just try saying happiness without saying penis
Be sure there are no children around
A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue
Why must they always be the clown

Long ago in Rome, when a man testified in court 
He was required to swear on his testicles
Imagine that today, the absolute thrill it would cause
Golly gee, we couldn't be modest savages

A farmer tried renting advertising space on his cows
But the cows wanted a piece of the action
Got together went on strike and crossed their udders
Refused to be milked until they got satisfaction

There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S. than real ones
That's something I never knew or really cared
The Falkland Isles has over 700,000 sheep, 350 per person
Now why on earth did I care enough to share

If a female ferret doesn't have sex for a year, she will die
Know some guys like that, okay it's me
However, the one-year time frame is much too long
With me, it's more like one or two weeks

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